The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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