The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
