I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
