If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
