I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
