you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
