If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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