i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
