god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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