brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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