So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
