Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
