I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Welp...herpes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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