No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
