I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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