He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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