a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
