my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
