I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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