My room smells like vodka and shame
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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