Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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