I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
