I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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