I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
