No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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