ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
