I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point