I love black thongs
I'm eating all of the evidence.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!