Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"

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  (773): Oh just a soda. I'm "driving" http://tfl.nu/spob
  Replies (4) Good night (921) Bad night (1081)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.

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  (843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r
  Replies (10) Good night (4479) Bad night (875)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

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  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3516) Bad night (805)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7948) Bad night (1170)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i just like, need to vent to someone

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?

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  (910): i just like, need to vent to someone (919): Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you? http://tfl.nu/t3kk
  Replies (14) Good night (2793) Bad night (1961)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science

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  (416): Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science http://tfl.nu/y3kb
  Replies (12) Good night (2032) Bad night (2043)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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  (817): Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car. http://tfl.nu/zuv0
  Replies (13) Good night (2596) Bad night (698)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl

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  (407): I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl http://tfl.nu/1s7i
  Replies (11) Good night (1846) Bad night (623)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1489) Bad night (885)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.

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  (904): There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's. http://tfl.nu/flhw
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (537)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.

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  (612): Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start. http://tfl.nu/wabc
  Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (1408)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.

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  (+44): I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal. http://tfl.nu/i10i
  Replies (8) Good night (1276) Bad night (312)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness

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  (215): they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness http://tfl.nu/sk3k
  Replies (3) Good night (1753) Bad night (556)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...

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  (781): I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded... http://tfl.nu/sk2i
  Replies (3) Good night (337) Bad night (828)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.

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  (780): One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now. http://tfl.nu/610o
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (414)

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