I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.