Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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  (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased http://tfl.nu/sw63
  Replies (19) Good night (3699) Bad night (825)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl

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  (404): last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl http://tfl.nu/5x3v
  Replies (19) Good night (2515) Bad night (608)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8017) Bad night (2496)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

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  (859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq
  Replies (5) Good night (5234) Bad night (1307)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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  (405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h
  Replies (6) Good night (3689) Bad night (809)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

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  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4828) Bad night (1413)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.

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  (513): I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food. http://tfl.nu/mdny
  Replies (4) Good night (2499) Bad night (725)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

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  (513): I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again. http://tfl.nu/s5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (1432) Bad night (3481)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob

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  (775): Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob http://tfl.nu/1w2d
  Replies (6) Good night (560) Bad night (1203)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital

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  (718): Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital http://tfl.nu/1aye
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (1417)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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  (206): I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling. http://tfl.nu/5feo
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (502)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles

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  (808): Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles http://tfl.nu/r6w3
  Replies (8) Good night (909) Bad night (433)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."

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  (252): I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE." http://tfl.nu/xtai
  Replies (2) Good night (1484) Bad night (284)
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  (286): View more from

  I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.

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  (286): I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face. http://tfl.nu/gle0
  Replies (9) Good night (578) Bad night (206)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.

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  (705): Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap. http://tfl.nu/psf5
  Replies (7) Good night (653) Bad night (265)

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