my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!