bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
