my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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