you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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