I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
