I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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