can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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