at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
