I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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