Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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