garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
