Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
