I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
