I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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