he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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