The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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