Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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