so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
