So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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