I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
