Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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