last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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