she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
