The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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