I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
