the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
