So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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