Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
pray to the hookup gods
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
