dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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