we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
