I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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