how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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