from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
jump out the window naked night went bad
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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