we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
