Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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