somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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