I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
