Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
