I'm really into asian looking animals
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
