A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
