why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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