Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
