I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
