Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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