U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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