How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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