I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
