Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
