Your face is a jimmy john
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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