I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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